THE ROAD TO XIBALBA When the Lords of Xibalba heard the sounds of our football team playing, they were immediately angry. They felt that we were thumbing our noses at them, playing so near, where they could hear us. And so, the coach of Xibalba's team, One Death, sent a snake as a messenger to find us and invite us to a game. The snake was making slow time up the steep and rocky Road of Xibalba. And he met a hawk along the way, who offered to carry the snake inside his stomach, and thus reach its destination sooner. The snake agreed. M.S. Mulla: When a hawk alighted on a broken > : > : > : >IS ANYONE OUT fence post near our field and cried, THERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Is anyone in there!", we were quite startled. One of our number threw a stone and knocked the hawk down off the post. As it died, it vomited up the snake, who delivered the message from One Death. Bunny 5: Our first instinct was to ignore the > : > : > : Nope! We are summons, for Xibalba is the land of over HERE - all of us. death, and to go there is to ask for your own. When they heard of this, the yellow rabbits came to convince us otherwise. We watched them darting to and fro amongst our maize fields, helpless as the crops burned to ashes. There was nothing left. But we still did not wish to go, as we still had our homes, so the Lords ODB: of Xibalba dealt with that next. I > : > : > But don't come returned home one day to find my in -- it's *crowded*! house filled to bursting with dead maize stalks. There was no room to fit inside. The same thing happened to the homes of all my teammates. Joel: After that, we knew that there was > : > : Oh, I don't know, space for us in the many caves that looks like there's space dotted the area, so we relocated to over by the biplane over them. And so the firefly wizards there, and I think... were dispatched to chase us from (I pause, look at them. Our coach was killed during the biplane... and the the flight by the firefly wizards, threshing machine... and the who wished to provide an example locomotive... and for us. After that, we knew that then at the small door...) we had to follow the track that leads to Xibalba, for the call of One Death cannot be ignored. Say, how did you But we had one problem; we did not get all that stuff know how to find the road. And then in here, anyway? the snake reappeared and offered to lead us there. ODB: We had one more problem, for before > : > Shhhhhh!! Those are we had ever received One Death's really 1 dimensional invitation, our mother Blood Woman holograms! I *pawned* all that had hidden all of our equipment. stuff already because I And so we had to return to our homes got pretty deep in hock filled with dead maize and dig them when I went to Vegas out to find our helmets, shin guards, recently. Please keep Gatorade, cleats, uniforms, and all it quiet...I *will* get it of our other equipment. We were not back, I promise. Just having any luck until we caught a don't trip over rat trying to steal from our food the extension cord -- supply. We were about to kill it when it offered to show us where our equipment was hidden. It brought us all into the northernmost house of our village and climbed up to the ceiling, where it began gnawing at a crossbeam. Soon, it had gnawed all the way through and the roof came Joel! Oh no... crashing down- and with it, all of now the jig's up! our equipment, that had been hidden under the roof. Joel: The rat apologized profusely for > : (I flush beet red) bringing down the house, but we did um, uh... whoops, umm... not mind, since he had recovered our equipment. And with that, we went on our way. The road to Xibalba goes along the bottom of many deep gorges, valleys, and canyons, winding ever deeper into the earth. Along the way, we stopped and confronted the snake, our guide. hey... WAAAIIIT a minute! 1 dimensional is a "Look, we want some answers out of line! Who ever heard of a you. What does One Death want from Wundee hologram? Who us? Why are the firefly wizards wants a holo of a bloomin' turned against us? Does he intend LINE from a biplane? And to kill us once we get there? WHAT how would you even IS GOING ON?" tell? Look, they're still here! What are you, trying "He doesn't just want to kill you, to snow me??? he wants to defeat you. He felt that you were showing him up by playing ball close enough for the Lords of Xibalba to hear. And he wants to make you pay for it." --pause-- --long pause-- Uh, what did I just It wasn't really very big news to trip over, then? us, we had suspected much the same thing already. But to have our worst fears confirmed like that was a bit nerve-rattling. We knew that we had tripped up big time. ODB: As we descended ever deeper, closer > Joel, my good lad...you to Xibalba, it grew continually more wrong, it be HOT HOT HOT hot, until we could hardly stand it anymore. And so it was when we You made, you forced me finally reached the Point of No to...to TEAR the veil of Return, where the world of our normal Maya, to reach behind lives ended, from which there was no and beneath to the 11 turning back. All 11 of us stood dimensions of the Divine staring at the Crossroads, the place Ground, to reveal the from which the lands of Xibalba inspired TROOT!!! began. But we weren't there yet- we must now pick a road. Black, White, Red, and Yellow paths stretched out in front of us. Which one to choose? The Black Road particularly beckoned to us. One of us stepped from the Crossroads onto the Black Road, and vanished. Now there were only 10 of us. We chose the Yellow Road. It was apparently the right choice, as we soon found ourselves inside the city of Xibalba. Settle back, settle back, And now it was time to settle down of course to you and relax from our journey. The game little Olde Wundee is was to be played the very next day. Wundeemenshunal, we all But our hosts were not going to let know that, but, but, us rest that long. They escorted us but, it's, it's a to our lodging- but, unknown to us, COSMIC STRING [See, we it was the dreaded House of Darkness get all cosmic here the that they were leading us to. When way we can twist a thread we had gone inside, we realized like a ball of string.] all that there was no light. A messenger wundeemenshunal WITHIN came then from One Death, bearing a ITS FRAME OF REFERENCE torch and food. We were told that but it is embedded in the One Death was giving us these items 11 dimensional divine as a gift, but that we were to give ground, nuttin tewit, them back in the morning exactly as eeeezy. we had found them. So, reluctantly, we extinguished the torch, and we slept hungry that night, in the dark, always afraid of what might be staring back at us from the darkness. But we knew that our fate, should we not pass One Death's trial, would be far worse than a night of hunger and fear. And so we passed the night. And when we woke up, we found that there were only 9 of us, for one of our number could not control his hunger, and had tried to eat from the food. He was gone. And the football game took place the very next day. I went up to the Xibalban team and greeted them. "Morning, One Death. Morning, Seven Death. Morning, House Corner. Morning, Blood Gatherer. Morning, Pus Master. Morning, Jaundice Master. Morning, Bone Scepter. Morning, Skull Scepter. Morning, Wing. Morning, Packstrap. Morning, Bloody Teeth. Morning, Bloody Claws." And the game began. We were at a big And it vibes here and disadvantage, playing 9 vs. 11, but there and to and fro and soon the game went to and fro and velocity of propagation nobody claimed a clear advantage in is not infinite but the score. The Xibalban ball was a transfinite, the reflection thing of death, White Dagger was its from one end ( if the name, and throughout the game players concept even makes sense ) from both teams fell to the ground, reflects back a vibe dead from being struck by the White which hasn't EVEN STARTED Dagger. Each death was accompanied from the other end, but by a timeout, and the dead player that end already knew would be buried at an altar by the what to do and got tired side of the field, a place called the of waiting just like any Place of Ball Game Sacrifice. And the player tired of waiting head of the dead player would be for the new guy to get removed prior to being buried, and his chops down and it would be placed in the branches of jumps in just to a catalba tree. For years thereafter, keep the beat going. all the trees that had had the heads of dead players placed in them would So you have this break into fantastic blooms, until the superstring coiling here place where lay the head could not be and there out of mundane distinguished from the blossoms. threedality and you move your eyeballs in real And so the game went on this way, for close and that superstring hours. Finally, I was the last player is coiling mightily from my team left alive. The only strangely in that vitreous Xibalban player left standing was the humor of your eyes and brother of the coach One Death, Seven it brushes REAL CLOSE to Death. And I am running down the them electrons making them field, Seven Death in front of me, the nervous so's they only thing preventing me from winning jump out of their shells the game. He moves in to make the and get embarrassed and tackle, and suddenly my hand flicks jump back down leaving out, he stops in his tracks and falls a photon behind and they to the ground, dead, the White Dagger all do it ALMOST all having passed through his chest. And I together like a bunch of sprint by him, never looking back. chorus gals. So all the wonder and the glory Touchdown. (How Lay Louise, Yeah!!) explodes in your eye and it is the WHOLE WUNDEEFUL Later, after Seven Death had had his THING, just one body buried at the Place of Ball Game cosmic superstring Sacrifice and his head placed in a coiling everywhere in catalba tree, One Death admitted his space and time synchopating defeat and yielded to me. And he was like nobody's business, sacrificed as well. Only his head was making that Miles look not placed in a catalba tree, to flower like he only does scales, forever after. And this was how we had that Thelonious only plays started out with a team of 11, and been "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". reduced down to a mere 1. Oh yes yse yes (How Lay ********* Louise, Yeah!!), brother, bring me a hanky, bring And after it's all over, I'm walking me a towel, I'm sopping back on the Road of Xibalba, on the wet out here, water pours Black Road this time, for I have now out of me like a well, earned that right. And I reach the won't you bring me a Crossroads again, and I see the four drink of lively water (How roads stretching out from where I'm Lay Louise, Yeah!!), make standing. No, five roads; the Black, that aqua vit, if you will. the Red, the Yellow, the White- and the fifth road, the Green Road, the one that I had walked in from, the one most people are happy to live their whole lives on and never leave. Now Joel, it's all yours, But I'm not taking the Green Road this that Joel plays that time, I'm turning off the Crossroads Fone Bone, the Sacks O' onto the White Road. And it's rising Rocks, the Pie Okra out of the canyons very quickly, I can (Eeeewww!), let loose with feel the road rising swiftly higher. that Trumpy Dump, take I look down and see the Green Road us to the stars ya old looping all below me, but it's not my soul in a young pile o' meat... place anymore, as I continue walking along the white path through the sky... Joel T.