The Road to Xibalba
Posted to Wundee- 18 May 1996. Corsac's note: This is from when I was new in Wundee, and was set a challenge by ODB (both in Wundee and in email). My response is to the right, the thread that led up to it is on the left.

                THE ROAD TO XIBALBA

                                  When the Lords of Xibalba heard the
                                  sounds of our football team playing,
                                  they were immediately angry. They 
                                  felt that we were thumbing our 
                                  noses at them, playing so near, where
                                  they could hear us. And so, the coach
                                  of Xibalba's team, One Death, sent
                                  a snake as a messenger to find us 
                                  and invite us to a game.

                                  The snake was making slow time up 
                                  the steep and rocky Road of Xibalba.
                                  And he met a hawk along the way, who
                                  offered to carry the snake inside 
                                  his stomach, and thus reach its
                                  destination sooner. The snake agreed.
M.S. Mulla:                       When a hawk alighted on a broken
> : > : > : >IS ANYONE OUT        fence post near our field and cried,
THERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!         "Is anyone in there!", we were quite
                                  startled. One of our number threw a
                                  stone and knocked the hawk down off
                                  the post. As it died, it vomited up
                                  the snake, who delivered the message
                                  from One Death.

Bunny 5:                               Our first instinct was to ignore the
> : > : > : Nope! We are          summons, for Xibalba is the land of 
over HERE - all of us.            death, and to go there is to ask 
                                  for your own. When they heard of 
                                  this, the yellow rabbits came to 
                                  convince us otherwise. We watched
                                  them darting to and fro amongst our
                                  maize fields, helpless as the crops
                                  burned to ashes. There was nothing

                                  But we still did not wish to go, as
                                  we still had our homes, so the Lords
ODB:                              of Xibalba dealt with that next. I
> : > : > But don't come          returned home one day to find my  
in -- it's *crowded*!             house filled to bursting with dead
                                  maize stalks. There was no room to
                                  fit inside. The same thing happened
                                  to the homes of all my teammates.

Joel:                             After that, we knew that there was
> : > : Oh, I don't know,         space for us in the many caves that 
looks like there's space          dotted the area, so we relocated to 
over by the biplane over          them. And so the firefly wizards
there, and I think...             were dispatched to chase us from 
(I pause, look at                 them. Our coach was killed during 
the biplane... and the            the flight by the firefly wizards, 
threshing machine... and the      who wished to provide an example
locomotive... and                 for us. After that, we knew that 
then at the small door...)        we had to follow the track that 
                                  leads to Xibalba, for the call of
                                  One Death cannot be ignored.

Say, how did you                  But we had one problem; we did not 
get all that stuff                know how to find the road. And then 
in here, anyway?                  the snake reappeared and offered to
                                  lead us there.

ODB:                              We had one more problem, for before   
> : > Shhhhhh!!  Those are        we had ever received One Death's  
really 1 dimensional              invitation, our mother Blood Woman 
holograms!  I *pawned* all that   had hidden all of our equipment.  
stuff already because I           And so we had to return to our homes 
got pretty deep in hock           filled with dead maize and dig them 
when I went to Vegas              out to find our helmets, shin guards,
recently.  Please keep            Gatorade, cleats, uniforms, and all 
it quiet...I *will* get it        of our other equipment. We were not 
back, I promise.  Just            having any luck until we caught a 
don't trip over                   rat trying to steal from our food 
the extension cord --             supply. We were about to kill it 
                                  when it offered to show us where our
                                  equipment was hidden. It brought us
                                  all into the northernmost house of
                                  our village and climbed up to the 
                                  ceiling, where it began gnawing at
                                  a crossbeam. Soon, it had gnawed all
                                  the way through and the roof came
Joel!  Oh no...                   crashing down- and with it, all of
now the jig's up!                 our equipment, that had been hidden
                                  under the roof.
Joel:                             The rat apologized profusely for
> : (I flush beet red)            bringing down the house, but we did 
um, uh... whoops, umm...          not mind, since he had recovered 
                                  our equipment. And with that, we went
                                  on our way.

                                  The road to Xibalba goes along the
                                  bottom of many deep gorges, valleys,
                                  and canyons, winding ever deeper 
                                  into the earth. Along the way, we 
                                  stopped and confronted the snake,
                                  our guide.
hey... WAAAIIIT a                                     
minute! 1 dimensional is a        "Look, we want some answers out of 
line! Who ever heard of a         you. What does One Death want from 
Wundee hologram? Who              us? Why are the firefly wizards 
wants a holo of a bloomin'        turned against us? Does he intend 
LINE from a biplane? And          to kill us once we get there? WHAT 
how would you even                IS GOING ON?" 
tell? Look, they're still           
here! What are you, trying        "He doesn't just want to kill you,
to snow me???                     he wants to defeat you. He felt that
                                  you were showing him up by playing
                                  ball close enough for the Lords of
                                  Xibalba to hear. And he wants to 
                                  make you pay for it."

--pause--                              --long pause-- 
Uh, what did I just               It wasn't really very big news to 
trip over, then?                  us, we had suspected much the same
                                  thing already. But to have our worst
                                  fears confirmed like that was a bit
                                  nerve-rattling. We knew that we had
                                  tripped up big time.

ODB:                              As we descended ever deeper, closer
> Joel, my good         to Xibalba, it grew continually more 
wrong, it be HOT HOT HOT          hot, until we could hardly stand it
                                  anymore. And so it was when we 
You made, you forced me           finally reached the Point of No TEAR the veil of          Return, where the world of our normal 
Maya, to reach behind             lives ended, from which there was no
and beneath to the 11             turning back. All 11 of us stood 
dimensions of the Divine          staring at the Crossroads, the place 
Ground, to reveal the             from which the lands of Xibalba 
inspired TROOT!!!                 began. But we weren't there yet- we
                                  must now pick a road. Black, White,
                                  Red, and Yellow paths stretched out 
                                  in front of us. Which one to choose?
                                  The Black Road particularly beckoned
                                  to us. One of us stepped from the 
                                  Crossroads onto the Black Road, and
                                  vanished. Now there were only 10 of
                                  us. We chose the Yellow Road. It was
                                  apparently the right choice, as we
                                  soon found ourselves inside the city
                                  of Xibalba.

Settle back, settle back,         And now it was time to settle down
of course to you                  and relax from our journey. The game 
little Olde Wundee is             was to be played the very next day. 
Wundeemenshunal, we all           But our hosts were not going to let
know that, but, but,              us rest that long. They escorted us 
but, it's, it's a                 to our lodging- but, unknown to us, 
COSMIC STRING [See, we            it was the dreaded House of Darkness 
get all cosmic here the           that they were leading us to. When 
way we can twist a thread         we had gone inside, we realized 
like a ball of string.] all       that there was no light. A messenger 
wundeemenshunal WITHIN            came then from One Death, bearing a 
ITS FRAME OF REFERENCE            torch and food. We were told that
but it is embedded in the         One Death was giving us these items 
11 dimensional divine             as a gift, but that we were to give 
ground, nuttin tewit,             them back in the morning exactly as
eeeezy.                           we had found them. So, reluctantly,
                                  we extinguished the torch, and we 
                                  slept hungry that night, in the dark,
                                  always afraid of what might be 
                                  staring back at us from the darkness.
                                  But we knew that our fate, should we
                                  not pass One Death's trial, would be
                                  far worse than a night of hunger and
                                  fear. And so we passed the night. 
                                  And when we woke up, we found that
                                  there were only 9 of us, for one of
                                  our number could not control his
                                  hunger, and had tried to eat from
                                  the food. He was gone.
                                  And the football game took place
                                  the very next day. I went up to the
                                  Xibalban team and greeted them.
                            "Morning, One Death. Morning, Seven Death.
                       Morning, House Corner. Morning, Blood Gatherer.
                        Morning, Pus Master. Morning, Jaundice Master.
                        Morning, Bone Scepter. Morning, Skull Scepter.
                                    Morning, Wing. Morning, Packstrap.
                         Morning, Bloody Teeth. Morning, Bloody Claws."
                                  And the game began. We were at a big
And it vibes here and             disadvantage, playing 9 vs. 11, but
there and to and fro and          soon the game went to and fro and 
velocity of propagation           nobody claimed a clear advantage in
is not infinite but               the score. The Xibalban ball was a
transfinite, the reflection       thing of death, White Dagger was its 
from one end ( if the             name, and throughout the game players
concept even makes sense )        from both teams fell to the ground, 
reflects back a vibe              dead from being struck by the White 
which hasn't EVEN STARTED         Dagger. Each death was accompanied 
from the other end, but           by a timeout, and the dead player  
that end already knew             would be buried at an altar by the
what to do and got tired          side of the field, a place called the
of waiting just like any          Place of Ball Game Sacrifice. And the
player tired of waiting           head of the dead player would be  
for the new guy to get            removed prior to being buried, and 
his chops down and                it would be placed in the branches of 
jumps in just to                  a catalba tree. For years thereafter,
keep the beat going.              all the trees that had had the heads 
                                  of dead players placed in them would
So you have this                  break into fantastic blooms, until the 
superstring coiling here          place where lay the head could not be   
and there out of mundane          distinguished from the blossoms. 
threedality and you move 
your eyeballs in real             And so the game went on this way, for
close and that superstring        hours. Finally, I was the last player
is coiling mightily               from my team left alive. The only
strangely in that vitreous        Xibalban player left standing was the
humor of your eyes and            brother of the coach One Death, Seven
it brushes REAL CLOSE to          Death. And I am running down the 
them electrons making them        field, Seven Death in front of me, the 
nervous so's they                 only thing preventing me from winning
jump out of their shells          the game. He moves in to make the 
and get embarrassed and           tackle, and suddenly my hand flicks
jump back down leaving            out, he stops in his tracks and falls 
a photon behind and they          to the ground, dead, the White Dagger
all do it ALMOST all              having passed through his chest. And I
together like a bunch of          sprint by him, never looking back.
chorus gals.  So all the 
wonder and the glory              Touchdown.
(How Lay Louise, Yeah!!) 
explodes in your eye and 
it is the WHOLE WUNDEEFUL         Later, after Seven Death had had his
THING, just one                   body buried at the Place of Ball Game
cosmic superstring                Sacrifice and his head placed in a 
coiling everywhere in             catalba tree, One Death admitted his
space and time synchopating       defeat and yielded to me. And he was 
like nobody's business,           sacrificed as well. Only his head was 
making that Miles look            not placed in a catalba tree, to flower
like he only does scales,         forever after. And this was how we had
that Thelonious only plays        started out with a team of 11, and been
"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".   reduced down to a mere 1.
Oh yes yse yes (How Lay           *********
Louise, Yeah!!), brother, 
bring me a hanky, bring           And after it's all over, I'm walking 
me a towel, I'm sopping           back on the Road of Xibalba, on the
wet out here, water pours         Black Road this time, for I have now 
out of me like a well,            earned that right. And I reach the
won't you bring me a              Crossroads again, and I see the four
drink of lively water (How        roads stretching out from where I'm
Lay Louise, Yeah!!), make         standing. No, five roads; the Black, 
that aqua vit, if you will.       the Red, the Yellow, the White- and
                                  the fifth road, the Green Road, the 
                                  one that I had walked in from, the one
                                  most people are happy to live their 
                                  whole lives on and never leave.

Now Joel, it's all yours,         But I'm not taking the Green Road this
that Joel plays that              time, I'm turning off the Crossroads
Fone Bone, the Sacks O'           onto the White Road. And it's rising
Rocks, the Pie Okra               out of the canyons very quickly, I can
(Eeeewww!), let loose with        feel the road rising swiftly higher.
that Trumpy Dump, take            I look down and see the Green Road
us to the stars ya old            looping all below me, but it's not my
soul in a young pile o' meat...   place anymore, as I continue walking
                                  along the white path through the sky...

Joel T.