THE ROAD TO XIBALBA
When the Lords of Xibalba heard the
sounds of our football team playing,
they were immediately angry. They
felt that we were thumbing our
noses at them, playing so near, where
they could hear us. And so, the coach
of Xibalba's team, One Death, sent
a snake as a messenger to find us
and invite us to a game.
The snake was making slow time up
the steep and rocky Road of Xibalba.
And he met a hawk along the way, who
offered to carry the snake inside
his stomach, and thus reach its
destination sooner. The snake agreed.
M.S. Mulla: When a hawk alighted on a broken
> : > : > : >IS ANYONE OUT fence post near our field and cried,
THERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Is anyone in there!", we were quite
startled. One of our number threw a
stone and knocked the hawk down off
the post. As it died, it vomited up
the snake, who delivered the message
from One Death.
Bunny 5: Our first instinct was to ignore the
> : > : > : Nope! We are summons, for Xibalba is the land of
over HERE - all of us. death, and to go there is to ask
for your own. When they heard of
this, the yellow rabbits came to
convince us otherwise. We watched
them darting to and fro amongst our
maize fields, helpless as the crops
burned to ashes. There was nothing
left.
But we still did not wish to go, as
we still had our homes, so the Lords
ODB: of Xibalba dealt with that next. I
> : > : > But don't come returned home one day to find my
in -- it's *crowded*! house filled to bursting with dead
maize stalks. There was no room to
fit inside. The same thing happened
to the homes of all my teammates.
Joel: After that, we knew that there was
> : > : Oh, I don't know, space for us in the many caves that
looks like there's space dotted the area, so we relocated to
over by the biplane over them. And so the firefly wizards
there, and I think... were dispatched to chase us from
(I pause, look at them. Our coach was killed during
the biplane... and the the flight by the firefly wizards,
threshing machine... and the who wished to provide an example
locomotive... and for us. After that, we knew that
then at the small door...) we had to follow the track that
leads to Xibalba, for the call of
One Death cannot be ignored.
Say, how did you But we had one problem; we did not
get all that stuff know how to find the road. And then
in here, anyway? the snake reappeared and offered to
lead us there.
ODB: We had one more problem, for before
> : > Shhhhhh!! Those are we had ever received One Death's
really 1 dimensional invitation, our mother Blood Woman
holograms! I *pawned* all that had hidden all of our equipment.
stuff already because I And so we had to return to our homes
got pretty deep in hock filled with dead maize and dig them
when I went to Vegas out to find our helmets, shin guards,
recently. Please keep Gatorade, cleats, uniforms, and all
it quiet...I *will* get it of our other equipment. We were not
back, I promise. Just having any luck until we caught a
don't trip over rat trying to steal from our food
the extension cord -- supply. We were about to kill it
when it offered to show us where our
equipment was hidden. It brought us
all into the northernmost house of
our village and climbed up to the
ceiling, where it began gnawing at
a crossbeam. Soon, it had gnawed all
the way through and the roof came
Joel! Oh no... crashing down- and with it, all of
now the jig's up! our equipment, that had been hidden
under the roof.
Joel: The rat apologized profusely for
> : (I flush beet red) bringing down the house, but we did
um, uh... whoops, umm... not mind, since he had recovered
our equipment. And with that, we went
on our way.
The road to Xibalba goes along the
bottom of many deep gorges, valleys,
and canyons, winding ever deeper
into the earth. Along the way, we
stopped and confronted the snake,
our guide.
hey... WAAAIIIT a
minute! 1 dimensional is a "Look, we want some answers out of
line! Who ever heard of a you. What does One Death want from
Wundee hologram? Who us? Why are the firefly wizards
wants a holo of a bloomin' turned against us? Does he intend
LINE from a biplane? And to kill us once we get there? WHAT
how would you even IS GOING ON?"
tell? Look, they're still
here! What are you, trying "He doesn't just want to kill you,
to snow me??? he wants to defeat you. He felt that
you were showing him up by playing
ball close enough for the Lords of
Xibalba to hear. And he wants to
make you pay for it."
--pause-- --long pause--
Uh, what did I just It wasn't really very big news to
trip over, then? us, we had suspected much the same
thing already. But to have our worst
fears confirmed like that was a bit
nerve-rattling. We knew that we had
tripped up big time.
ODB: As we descended ever deeper, closer
> Joel, my good lad...you to Xibalba, it grew continually more
wrong, it be HOT HOT HOT hot, until we could hardly stand it
anymore. And so it was when we
You made, you forced me finally reached the Point of No
to...to TEAR the veil of Return, where the world of our normal
Maya, to reach behind lives ended, from which there was no
and beneath to the 11 turning back. All 11 of us stood
dimensions of the Divine staring at the Crossroads, the place
Ground, to reveal the from which the lands of Xibalba
inspired TROOT!!! began. But we weren't there yet- we
must now pick a road. Black, White,
Red, and Yellow paths stretched out
in front of us. Which one to choose?
The Black Road particularly beckoned
to us. One of us stepped from the
Crossroads onto the Black Road, and
vanished. Now there were only 10 of
us. We chose the Yellow Road. It was
apparently the right choice, as we
soon found ourselves inside the city
of Xibalba.
Settle back, settle back, And now it was time to settle down
of course to you and relax from our journey. The game
little Olde Wundee is was to be played the very next day.
Wundeemenshunal, we all But our hosts were not going to let
know that, but, but, us rest that long. They escorted us
but, it's, it's a to our lodging- but, unknown to us,
COSMIC STRING [See, we it was the dreaded House of Darkness
get all cosmic here the that they were leading us to. When
way we can twist a thread we had gone inside, we realized
like a ball of string.] all that there was no light. A messenger
wundeemenshunal WITHIN came then from One Death, bearing a
ITS FRAME OF REFERENCE torch and food. We were told that
but it is embedded in the One Death was giving us these items
11 dimensional divine as a gift, but that we were to give
ground, nuttin tewit, them back in the morning exactly as
eeeezy. we had found them. So, reluctantly,
we extinguished the torch, and we
slept hungry that night, in the dark,
always afraid of what might be
staring back at us from the darkness.
But we knew that our fate, should we
not pass One Death's trial, would be
far worse than a night of hunger and
fear. And so we passed the night.
And when we woke up, we found that
there were only 9 of us, for one of
our number could not control his
hunger, and had tried to eat from
the food. He was gone.
And the football game took place
the very next day. I went up to the
Xibalban team and greeted them.
"Morning, One Death. Morning, Seven Death.
Morning, House Corner. Morning, Blood Gatherer.
Morning, Pus Master. Morning, Jaundice Master.
Morning, Bone Scepter. Morning, Skull Scepter.
Morning, Wing. Morning, Packstrap.
Morning, Bloody Teeth. Morning, Bloody Claws."
And the game began. We were at a big
And it vibes here and disadvantage, playing 9 vs. 11, but
there and to and fro and soon the game went to and fro and
velocity of propagation nobody claimed a clear advantage in
is not infinite but the score. The Xibalban ball was a
transfinite, the reflection thing of death, White Dagger was its
from one end ( if the name, and throughout the game players
concept even makes sense ) from both teams fell to the ground,
reflects back a vibe dead from being struck by the White
which hasn't EVEN STARTED Dagger. Each death was accompanied
from the other end, but by a timeout, and the dead player
that end already knew would be buried at an altar by the
what to do and got tired side of the field, a place called the
of waiting just like any Place of Ball Game Sacrifice. And the
player tired of waiting head of the dead player would be
for the new guy to get removed prior to being buried, and
his chops down and it would be placed in the branches of
jumps in just to a catalba tree. For years thereafter,
keep the beat going. all the trees that had had the heads
of dead players placed in them would
So you have this break into fantastic blooms, until the
superstring coiling here place where lay the head could not be
and there out of mundane distinguished from the blossoms.
threedality and you move
your eyeballs in real And so the game went on this way, for
close and that superstring hours. Finally, I was the last player
is coiling mightily from my team left alive. The only
strangely in that vitreous Xibalban player left standing was the
humor of your eyes and brother of the coach One Death, Seven
it brushes REAL CLOSE to Death. And I am running down the
them electrons making them field, Seven Death in front of me, the
nervous so's they only thing preventing me from winning
jump out of their shells the game. He moves in to make the
and get embarrassed and tackle, and suddenly my hand flicks
jump back down leaving out, he stops in his tracks and falls
a photon behind and they to the ground, dead, the White Dagger
all do it ALMOST all having passed through his chest. And I
together like a bunch of sprint by him, never looking back.
chorus gals. So all the
wonder and the glory Touchdown.
(How Lay Louise, Yeah!!)
explodes in your eye and
it is the WHOLE WUNDEEFUL Later, after Seven Death had had his
THING, just one body buried at the Place of Ball Game
cosmic superstring Sacrifice and his head placed in a
coiling everywhere in catalba tree, One Death admitted his
space and time synchopating defeat and yielded to me. And he was
like nobody's business, sacrificed as well. Only his head was
making that Miles look not placed in a catalba tree, to flower
like he only does scales, forever after. And this was how we had
that Thelonious only plays started out with a team of 11, and been
"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". reduced down to a mere 1.
Oh yes yse yes (How Lay *********
Louise, Yeah!!), brother,
bring me a hanky, bring And after it's all over, I'm walking
me a towel, I'm sopping back on the Road of Xibalba, on the
wet out here, water pours Black Road this time, for I have now
out of me like a well, earned that right. And I reach the
won't you bring me a Crossroads again, and I see the four
drink of lively water (How roads stretching out from where I'm
Lay Louise, Yeah!!), make standing. No, five roads; the Black,
that aqua vit, if you will. the Red, the Yellow, the White- and
the fifth road, the Green Road, the
one that I had walked in from, the one
most people are happy to live their
whole lives on and never leave.
Now Joel, it's all yours, But I'm not taking the Green Road this
that Joel plays that time, I'm turning off the Crossroads
Fone Bone, the Sacks O' onto the White Road. And it's rising
Rocks, the Pie Okra out of the canyons very quickly, I can
(Eeeewww!), let loose with feel the road rising swiftly higher.
that Trumpy Dump, take I look down and see the Green Road
us to the stars ya old looping all below me, but it's not my
soul in a young pile o' meat... place anymore, as I continue walking
along the white path through the sky...
Joel T.